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January 29 Sound OffI have heard this more times than I can remember (and sometimes would rather forget):
"You're so closed off... Why don't you communicate or show yr feelings... When are you going to let down yr walls..." etcetera, etcetera...
In my thirty-some years of living in this world I have come to know a few inalienable truths. One of them being (in general) people would rather be heard. A true listener is a rare find. Sure, they may tell you they will listen or maybe even that they want to listen but only so in turn they can ultimately be heard; via their opinions, advice, beliefs and so on…
So as far as I can remember, yes, I have been known to keep a rather prodigious inventory in my mind asylum. After continuous deliberation on the issue, I can finally take comfort in the fact that this little peccadillo of mine is essentially an asset. Well, for the most part anyway… I do realize that there are times when I should open up, reciprocate feelings and maintain the lines of communications but more often than not I find the opposite to be more prevailing.
In the rare instance that I actually desire to open up, I’ve come to notice this look of confusion or disinterest on the face and/or in the mannerisms of the individual I am attempting to unveil upon. It pretty much goes without saying this type of reaction does wonders for my existing proclivity. So call me crazy but am I missing something here? Why do people consistently feel the need to point out my wall building capabilities if they’re simply going to turn a blind eye to what I feel or deaf ear to what I have to say?
Sounds cliché and almost disheartening to admit but I think this personality trait also birthed my writing predilection. I’ve said before that writing is one of the purest forms of expression, unfiltered and without judgment your mind can spill out onto paper… Blogging is adequate but pales in comparison to the mighty pen meeting paper! And with every stroke of that pen, that is where my walls come crashing down...
Copyright © 2008, Amber L. Parra December 24 Far CryFor David...
Far Cry Copyright © 2007, Amber L. Parra This vicious cycle patented round and round though an end is sensed it can't be found Don't fear a change it is within your reach if not for you your children beseech Beneath the surface lives a Spirit once seen veiled by deception and malevolent schemes In the presence of faith your drive is unbeaten let's dissolve all limits subconcious to reason your cry heard out loud heed the call from within with fortitude comes resurgence and the next phase begins ~A.P. 2007 November 21 Dubya Speak 101
There is no doubt in my mind this guy paid someone to take his SAT's... If you listen closely you can hear one of the reporters crack up at the end when President Bush is giving his carpenter analogy, C L A S S I C!
O R if it wasn't so funny it would be really sad! August 27 MineMINE My horrifying reality,
~A.P. 2007 Copyright © 2007, Amber L. Parra May 24 Can't We All Just...Did Rosie Call Our Troops Terrorists? This is directly from the transcripts of The View for May 17th: O’DONNELL: …… I just want to say something. 655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists? I just watched Chris Matthews and his panel of journalists including Howard Feinman, Jill Zuckman, and Jonathan Capehart. Matthews asked the panel after replaying that segment of the show if she in fact said that our troops were the terrorists. They unanimously agreed with Matthews that she did call our troops terrorists. That conforms with the majority of journalists who have reported on this comment. Now, I am not necessarly supporting or defending Ms. O'Donnel here but come on people do you really HATE this woman simply because of her sexual preference? Rosie does not mention the troops at all in that segment of the show. She poses a rhetorical question. “Who are the terrorists?” “I’m saying if you were in Iraq, and the other country, the United States, the richest in the world, invaded your country and killed 655,000 of your citizens, what would you call us?”In both of her rhetorical questions she refers to the “United States” and “us.” The policy of the United States or “our” policy in Iraq is not the responsibility of the soldiers who are ordered to execute the policy. It is obvious that state supported terrorism can only be implemented by those who have the responsibility of doing the fighting and dying. But, it is not the soldiers who are the terrorists in that hypothetical. And she was not calling the soldiers terrorists. It is absolutely absurd that these journalists agreed with the interpretation that Matthews and the majority of the MSMBC had concluded.These journalists who are supposed to be experts on language and communication certainly know that she meant that the U.S. policy was the villain here and not the soldiers. Yet they persist in accusing the accusers who do not fit into their elite club. People like Rosie and others who have been branded as eccentric and outside the main stream are always fair game. They do it with many others who speak truth to power by carefully portraying sound bites out of context. They have done that to Noam Chomsky and Gore Vidal for years. The truth is that it was the elite reporters like the Hardball panel aforementioned who aided and abetted the rush to war in Iraq and fostered the terrorist policy that has resulted in this catastrophe. So it is not Rosie who is the villain. It is journalists like these who have to rationalize their lack of courage and appropriate skepticism of a “policy” that has resulted in the deaths of thousands of our soldiers and hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis. May 21 Monday, Bloody MondayDO YOU EVER JUST FEEL LIKE...
So, not much going on 'round here lately other than Joshua and I are driving one another ab-so-fucken-lute-ly NUTS!!! Yeah, I don't think this house is big enough for the both of us right now... Either we are in a "bad patch", or the fact that neither one of us is working right now is taking its toll! (I'm inbetween jobs and Joshua is on a workers comp leave- he cut the tip of his finger off) He should be getting back to work in about 2 wks I think... He went to the docs today and the doc said that his finger is healing up nicely... So that is a positive thing. April 16 Free Speech - Wha-hoppin?***Oh the controversy*** I rather enjoy it myself... if for nothing else it gives an awakening jolt no matter what side of the fence yr on! So, apparently some angry blogger I don't know why all of this is even necessary... I mean is the name of the show NOT called "The View"? Are Rosie's comments not simply just that- her 'View'? Last I checked there were MORE than enough channels on the television to watch whether you have cable, satellite or not. If you are offended or not liking what you hear on this TALK show, here's an idea: CHANGE THE CHANNEL! TURN OFF YOUR T.V.! Who knew? The simple pressing of one button and all your troubles are GONE. Opinions are just that- opinions, someone's view or take on something. And being such, they only have the power that you give them but when there is TRUTH or validity behind them an opposition is inescapable. So here we are I suppose...
I know I never really watched the show before Rosie, but who the heck am I? March 02 Once more into the breach...My little brother (ha, little, the irony) David and his fiance Eneida came for a visit last week and even though I knew the day would come when they'd have to go back, it still doesn't make it hurt any less! If any of you know me you know that I love mi familia and that to they are all muy importante! To say I am sad would be a grave understatement... I ache, I ache the kind of ache that is so overwhelming you can't even cry. I wish I could cry because then at least there is some sort of release. Instead I'm left with only my thoughts and no tangible way of liberating them, 'cept maybe by writting this... I would love to just find all the inner nonsense and beat it sensible, but that is just not realistic, is it? Once again the gaps in geography have spelled out my only aversion to living in "paradise." At the cost of being away from my family, I often wonder how long it will be before I ultimately crack? Some people may think it's weird but in my mind family is not something that's put up with, or saved for the holidays, or even convenience... I miss being able to go over my brothers house, my moms, my dads, just hanging out, or getting the kids together, whatever IT was that brings us together, I miss it. And that is how families should be... at least in my humble opinion. I'm sure my current low runs deeper than I am willing to admit at this point, you know, the whole, "when it rains, it pours..." type thing but I am not quite ready to expound on that sort of level, especially in such a public forum. So let's just say I have lost my smile... has anyone seen it? If you happen to find it please return it to me asap... Muchos Gracias!
January 28 Must You Forgive? I was reading this mag and there was an article on Forgiveness. Basically a 3 page spread on "to forgive or not to forgive..." It sparked a few things inside and even exhumed a few people from once upon a time... Since I had been reading this article in the wee hours of the night (insomnia BLOWS), my thoughts on it all began to deny me more sleep due to a buzzing brain, but after laying there for hrs, when I did finally fall asleep, it made for some interesting dreams! But before counting sheep, I began an internal debate: Must We Always Forgive?
From the political to the personal, we all appear to be caught in an 'orgy' of forgiveness... Just flip to any given television station these days and chances are you'll be witness to some dramatic episode of forgiveness; A mother and daughter estranged for years kiss and make up, a long-feuding couple holding hands and renewing vows, scandal plagued politicians asking for absolution and granting it to their accusers. The tears flow, hugs proliferate and the psychological experts solemnly coincide this is an essential element of cure and even studies show that forgiving alleviates depression and enhances self-esteem. Pretty much all of the bible-based religions concur, if we fail to pardon, then we are constantly cautioned that not forgiving will blight our lives. That is all well and good but I cannot help but think, is there something wrong with this picture? Could we refuse to absolve our lovers, spouses, parents, politicians (a-hem PRESIDENT), siblings or friends and still remain emotionally healthy?
There is no doubt in my mind that the capacity to forgive is an essential part of an examined life. However, enshrining universal forgiveness as an undeniable remedy, a requirement or the only moral choice, is rigid, simplistic and may even be destructive. Today we demonize not forgiving as much as we idealize forgiving. Failure to forgive therapists caution, is to "doom yourself to be a victim for the rest of your life," while clergy warn that it inexorably leads to a "recycling of evil."
Yet some of the most admirable, sane and emotionally healthy people that I know have not forgiven on occasion. Not forgiving needs to be reconceived as a normal human reaction. It is not an avoidance of forgiveness or a retreat into paranoia, but a legitimate action in itself, with its own progression, motivation and justification. There are many circumstances in which it is the proper and most emotionally authentic course of action. Now that is not to say that it shall remain that way forever, but it is a raw, true emotion at its core and any change to it could only be made as spirituality, time, circumstance and any other given factors permit. Chances are that we would all forgive, eventually... And if not, why not? Those are all to be decided and resolved individually, so I have come to my own realizations that forgiveness is pliable but most often essential for my own sanity. I would find life a hard thing to live if I remained completely closed off. Time is not always medicine but it has the potential to be, if you allow it! November 16 Conspiracy or Contradiction?I just watched “Loose Change” 2nd edition last night and I must say it scared the $#*& out of me. Now, I am not completely naïve, I realize that there are glorious embellishments, fabricated factoids and I am sure that it was 80% bullshit but that being said there are a number of brow-raising, ponder worthy questions raised. This administration has inarguably seen its highs and lows. They were wrong about Saddam having WMDs, they can't seem to find Bin Laden, billions of dollars are unaccounted for in Iraq, some of our military have been accused of torturing prisoners, the CIA was found to have secret prisons, the President continues to spy on US phone calls without a warrant, the Vice President's office was caught revealing the name of a covert CIA official to get back at her husband who wrote a newspaper column, both the majority GOP leaders in the house and the senate were involved in scandals, the White House was exposed for letting a gay male hooker enter the White House Press Conferences every day for over a year on a Day Pass, this administration has been caught paying off reporters at home and abroad, Condi Rice seems to be caught in a lie about being briefed about 9/11 by the former Clinton administration... the list goes on and on. So are we to believe a word of their neo-con expediency and self-preserving rhetoric? So do you trust this administration when it comes to 9/11? The controversial documentary "Loose Change" seems to have some wild accusations, most of which are likely to be unfounded, but what about the ones that they're possibly correct about, the unanswered questions? I am sure a very familiar feeling has come over the baby boomers in that we may never have our questions answered, just like the JFK assassination. The most damning evidence against the U.S. government does not come from films like Loose Change or Fahrenheit 9/11... it comes from the gov't itself, without THEIR evidence or their LACK of evidence, there would be no documentaries like this, there would be no "conspiracy theories." Though I do admit when I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 for the first time, I felt substantiated. I’d always known and felt in my heart and soul that this man (Bush) while claiming Christianity was a fraud. What people saw as charismatic, I saw as artificial I was completely and utterly crushed when my fellow Americans re-elected the Texan emperor in the ’04 elections. But hey, he is our president and in defeat I decided to give him another shot, and look where that has gotten me. Until our government is made to be answerable for the litany of its descrepancies, untruths and anomalies, they are under suspicion of treason and ignoring the conspiracy to a mass murder of its own people. Of course they have already committed War Crimes and are part of a long tradition of U.S. gov't corruption, so I can understand the public's acceptance, complacency, disinterest, etc. but Thank God it appears that many Americans, no matter what their political affiliation, have come to realize the incompetence of this administration- all in the name of this last November election. I can only hope and pray that the Democrats do right by us and not let us down. The people have let themselves be heard by way of cleaning House so-to-speak… Now, all we can do is ride it out, see what happens. November 03 Finally, A Competent Standpoint- Thomas L. FriedmanInsulting Our Troops, and Our Intelligence By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN George Bush, Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld think you're stupid. Yes, they do. They think they can take a mangled quip about President Bush and Iraq by John Kerry -- a man who is not even running for office but who, unlike Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney, never ran away from combat service -- and get you to vote against all Democrats in this election. Every time you hear Mr. Bush or Mr. Cheney lash out against Mr. Kerry, I hope you will say to yourself, ''They must think I'm stupid.'' Because they surely do. They think that they can get you to overlook all of the Bush team's real and deadly insults to the U.S. military over the past six years by hyping and exaggerating Mr. Kerry's mangled gibe at the president. What could possibly be more injurious and insulting to the U.S. military than to send it into combat in Iraq without enough men -- to launch an invasion of a foreign country not by the Powell Doctrine of overwhelming force, but by the Rumsfeld Doctrine of just enough troops to lose? What could be a bigger insult than that? What could possibly be more injurious and insulting to our men and women in uniform than sending them off to war without the proper equipment, so that some soldiers in the field were left to buy their own body armor and to retrofit their own jeeps with scrap metal so that roadside bombs in Iraq would only maim them for life and not kill them? And what could be more injurious and insulting than Don Rumsfeld's response to criticism that he sent our troops off in haste and unprepared: Hey, you go to war with the army you've got -- get over it. What could possibly be more injurious and insulting to our men and women in uniform than to send them off to war in Iraq without any coherent postwar plan for political reconstruction there, so that the U.S. military has had to assume not only security responsibilities for all of Iraq but the political rebuilding as well? The Bush team has created a veritable library of military histories -- from ''Cobra II'' to ''Fiasco'' to ''State of Denial'' -- all of which contain the same damning conclusion offered by the very soldiers and officers who fought this war: This administration never had a plan for the morning after, and we've been making it up -- and paying the price -- ever since. And what could possibly be more injurious and insulting to our men and women in Iraq than to send them off to war and then go out and finance the very people they're fighting against with our gluttonous consumption of oil? Sure, George Bush told us we're addicted to oil, but he has not done one single significant thing -- demanded higher mileage standards from Detroit, imposed a gasoline tax or even used the bully pulpit of the White House to drive conservation -- to end that addiction. So we continue to finance the U.S. military with our tax dollars, while we finance Iran, Syria, Wahhabi mosques and Al Qaeda madrassas with our energy purchases. Everyone says that Karl Rove is a genius. Yeah, right. So are cigarette companies. They get you to buy cigarettes even though we know they cause cancer. That is the kind of genius Karl Rove is. He is not a man who has designed a strategy to reunite our country around an agenda of renewal for the 21st century -- to bring out the best in us. His ''genius'' is taking some irrelevant aside by John Kerry and twisting it to bring out the worst in us, so you will ignore the mess that the Bush team has visited on this country. And Karl Rove has succeeded at that in the past because he was sure that he could sell just enough Bush cigarettes, even though people knew they caused cancer. Please, please, for our country's health, prove him wrong this time. Let Karl know that you're not stupid. Let him know that you know that the most patriotic thing to do in this election is to vote against an administration that has -- through sheer incompetence -- brought us to a point in Iraq that was not inevitable but is now unwinnable. Let Karl know that you think this is a critical election, because you know as a citizen that if the Bush team can behave with the level of deadly incompetence it has exhibited in Iraq -- and then get away with it by holding on to the House and the Senate -- it means our country has become a banana republic. It means our democracy is in tatters because it is so gerrymandered, so polluted by money, and so divided by professional political hacks that we can no longer hold the ruling party to account. It means we're as stupid as Karl thinks we are. I, for one, don't think we're that stupid. Next Tuesday we'll see. September 11 Here we go... AGAIN!Out of the Mouths of *DeR*: Bush to Katie Couric today: "One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." I am not making this up, part of me wishes that I was… Then the President of the United States hesitated for a fraction of a second--perhaps he half-realized what had just come out of his mouth--and so he went on: "I believe it, but the American people have got to understand that a defeat in Iraq, in other words if this government there fails, the terrorists will be emboldened, the radicals will topple moderate governments. I truly believe that this is the ideological struggle of the 21st century. And the consequences for not achieving success are dire." The truth came first. Spontaneously. I believe we call it a Freudian slip… As the man said: It's a hard job, being president of the United States. But my shock and awe was reserved for Mrs. Couric. Wha-hoppin? The opportunity of a lifetime for a reporter, an opener like this for her to stake a claim in “real journalism” and she blows it. Bush also said the reason they had to move the detainees to Gitmo is because the CIA felt the rules of conduct were so vague, they didn’t know what they could do and Bush added, “that’s irresponsible.” Well who the @#&% muddied the rules up in the first place?!?! To me, that was quite possibly an even bigger opening Katie missed. The press still plays softball with Dubya, it’s unbelievable. And how many times have we heard the many versions of: “…but the American people have got to understand…” in his less scripted moments? Doesn’t matter what it is, we the people need to get the message. Try if you can, to remember those distant days of yore, way, way back to the nether time of Oct 2000. An eternity in political years, yes but those amongst you with a brain cell or two to spare may perhaps recall Governor Bush’s campaign’s response to his rather vacuous demeanor and lack of verbal acuity – “he may be dumb as a brick but that’s ok, we’ll put some smart folks around him to make all the decisions.” I’m paraphrasing a bit but the question remains: with so many of those learned ladies and gentlemen around him, why in the world is this guy ever allowed off script?! All of the political opponents running against the GOP members should use the statement he made ("One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.") over and over just like they did with the ‘flip-flop’ & ‘I voted for it before I voted against it’ lines against Mr. John Kerry. This statement should be used (along with numerous others) to demonstrate just how incompetent this administration is and how flippant they are about national security and the WOT, i.e. going after false targets… This statement should be partnered right along with ‘no one anticipated the levees would breech’ bull-caca, to show their futility when it comes to homeland security! It’s a great line for opponents of his policies and strategies regarding the Iraq war and those whom are actually serious about the war on terror. Particularly since most of America has finally realized and/or believe that Saddam had nothing to do with 9.11. August 08 Bush, The Other Four Letter Word... One of my friends just sent this to me and I thought it was pretty darn funny...
"See, the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this sh*t and it's over."
-- Dubya shows his true diplomatic finesse, while gnawing on a dinner roll, in this exchange with British Prime Minister Tony Blair at the G8 conference, St. Petersburg, Russia, Jul. 17, 2006 
 ...Though I think the tag line should be, "Had enough of the BuSHit?" or "When Bush comes to shove..." I am obviously not a fan of our big bad pres but don't ask me why at night I struggle internally to pray for him!!! ...And that's pray FOR him not in support of him, k... Geez this guy, I know I am not to judge and all but the all too human side of me is thinking... this guy, man, it is like shooting fish in a barrel and I've never even shot a gun! His extemporaneous verbal wreakage is not as amusing as it is insulting... Prime example: In a press conference yesterday held at DUH-bya's Crawford Ranch, a.k.a. "The Western White House" (Wh-Th-Fuh?) our pontificating pres informed us that since the Iraqi citizens voted for an elected government, they have indicated through the voting process that they do not want a Civil War. <as she scratches her head> Pretty sad when your very own President does not know American History! If I remember high school history class accurately, the United States Civil War was started AFTER Abraham Lincoln was elected in 1861. *DeR* South Carolina took issue with that election and withdrew from the Union... but according to our champ of deep thought pres- Mr. Bush, a democracy can not start a Civil War... OMG what an imbecile! Then he feeds reporters more BuSHit saying, "Condi is handling those conversations, and she's doing a fine job of doing so." with regards to the fact that he has left the negotiations to Ms. Rice and other diplomats. He has not spoken to the Prime Ministers of Lebanon or Israel about any U.N. Resolutions. What a hack, I am so sick of all his transparent wordplay and evading his responsibilties (not to mention accountability)! Spin it for me one more time is not going to work for you everytime Mr. President sooner or later everyones lies and manipilations catch up to them. Only 896 days left in reign! (or hopefully less) <evil grin> May 23 What a BIG Baby! Talk about a delayed reaction! I am blubbering like a friggin child and the reason behind it all is going to floor you! God, it is almost just as painful to admit aloud let alone write about it for all to see… Then again not too many people actually read these if they don’t know you…
Well let’s see; I have been living on Kona for about 2 ½ years now and I don’t really know anyone here and I have no family, so naturally I miss everyone back “home” and have pretty much since the day I left… I was pregnant with Ikaia when I left Renoid land and I had my son on 4.5.04 at the Kona Community Hospital. No one from my family was there for his birth, but they called, my mom, dad and brothers, I heard from all of them via telephone. I finally went back for a visit last Christmas with Joshua and Ikaia which was great but like my sister in law Eneida said, it was just a “tease.” There is a point and I assure you that I am getting there… So, around my birthday my dad calls to wish me a happy one and proceeds to tell me that he and Rimi (his pseudo-wifey) are going to take a trip to Indiana because Billy (Rimi’s son) is having a baby, well er, his girlfriend is *der* and so they want to get married also. I am assuming they want to do so before they are with child… So after I give my congrats I ask when they are leaving and they are going some time in May… Well thus the reason for my blubbering… I know, I know okay, I am a child but seriously, “Wha?th-FUH?” I mean HELLO! I am your first born, your BLOOD, your ONE and ONLY daughter and I have yet to see you come and visit me but when your girlfriends son has a child, you both “ease on down the road…” for a visit… I know that I am in Hawaii and it is a bit more $$$ to come fly down here but there is not THAT much of a price differential! I see from Reno to Evansville runs like $400 - $580 roundtrip… Now from Reno to Kona airfares run anywhere from $560 - $600 roundtrip… So come on, COME ON! I don’t need validation or reassurance with regards to the way that I feel about this what so ever… I am more than justified within my logic so do not misconstrue this as an assertion of fortitude, because it is not. It is what it is, and that is simply to have my say. It can only hurt you as much as you allow it however when and/or how am I to ever get to that point where it has NO effect on me? I don’t want to. I don’t want to get to that point where I am impervious to my natural feelings… When it comes to feelings involving my family, I want to be exact so there aren’t any misconceptions, because those misconceptions happen far too conveniently anyway…
Then again, I could “just grow up.” ~Amber May 18 American Idol...Schmidol! I tuned into the first season of American Idol but pretty much stopped watching the show regularly around mid-second season. Well, that is not entirely true… I did tune in for the season 2 finale and also was forced to watch some of whatever season had Jasmine Trias because she is from Hawaii so Joshua wanted to see her progression etc… Hawaii has a serious fan-base when it comes to locals from their Aina! Anyway, I hear all this buzz about this season’s talent on Idol and how it will be hard for America to select a winner etc… So I started watching this season's Idol when the contestant count was at 12… Long story short- I was completely perplexed when Chris Daughtry was sent packing… Wow, I thought like a multitude of others, that Mr. Vinny D’s doppelganger would have sailed into the final two and ultimately win. But once I saw that the talent of the show was dwindling and the peeps with the pipes were being outvoted by inept, amateurish beauties who continue(d) to see yet another week, I had a sense that this season was not going to necessarily be based on TALENT… Tell me this... Are the votes EVER based on TALENT? If they were Miss T*TS McPhee would have gone home looooooong ago! She is a beautiful girl, there is no taking that away from her but as far as being "the next Kelly Clarkson" Puh Leeeeeze! But daddy has unlimited text crying... We know the winner was sent home when Chris Daughtry left the show! Boo... So I say, "does it even matter at this point?" Go Hicks, Go... He is Taylor-Made for AI... I guess I will find out thru the reality grapevine who will win this season whether I want to hear it or not because I tuned out when Chris got the boot. But I will say this; Mr. Hicks sure is amusing, entertaining and fun to watch, etc… I love, absolutely love Simon’s assessment of the Hickster, which is Taylor's like the drunken dad or uncle just having a blast at a wedding or karaoke night... I almost pee'd when I saw him double up in attempts to kicking over the mic stand in one of his performances... He is definitely an asset to my mirth reflex, but he will have to wait a week to see if American Idol voters agree with me on this one…
May 11 Paradise Or Paradigm... Ok, so I know that I am not going to acquire much sympathy here being that I reside in Hawaii and all. People constantly call Hawaii - "God's Country" & "Paradise"... Well Lord, let me tell you something... THERE ARE CUCARACHAS IN PARADISE! ~Eww~ I have been told on numerous occasions that these bastardly beasts "are apart of the eco-system here." That no matter how much I clean and take all precautions to prevent these disgusting imperishable anomalies, my efforts are ultimately in vain... Now, I moved to Waimea about 8 months ago and ever since we moved I have not even seen a roach inside nor out, until, last night! I was store bound to grab some wine for Joshua and myself, when I opened the door to Kobe (my car-if you’ve seen it the name needs no explanation) & <gag> there were two medium sized (the fuckers get like almost two inches long in Kailua & Hilo) reddish brown cucarachas livin’ it up on the back of the drivers seat! I took off my chauncla (flip-flop, slipper, sandal etc…) and smashed them both to almost nothing. I am not a violent person but killing these two vacationers was almost pleasurably gratifying. I hold a refined hatred for the Hawaiian cockroach and since I am by far no quitter, they will soon fear me dammit! The roach merchant of death! Needless to say Kobe will be receiving a full make over in the way of intense cleaning, and vacuuming to ensure my little but mighty ½ inch adversaries have no homies taking up (or even thinking of taking up) residency in my car now or ever!
I psychotically scoured the house for almost an hour after seeing the two honeymooners in the car, but thankfully came across none inside which offered me some consolation… I have read up on their biology, diet and habits this morning so I am prepared for complete and utter domination! To know your enemy is the manner in which you shall defeat them! So cucarachas de la islas BEWARE!
April 21 Ponder Me This...
I over heard a conversation while waiting in line at the bank the other day which brought on this thought:
With great love comes great pain… Love would not be worth its weight in emotions without it (the pain). I welcome any subjugating opposition on this but before you load up on your infinite insight please humor me… I’d like you to do one thing for me; make a list of people you “trust.” Now from that list, who is the person that you would tell EVERYTHING to? Under that persons name write down all the things you HAVEN’T told him/her and why… Better yet, execute that same process on all of those from your “trust” list and then tell me how alone I shouldn’t feel. If you have even One Person that you can tell absolutely anything & everything to consider yourself a fortunate individual.
February 02 Random Vents...…Because Some Things Just Need To Be Said, or in this case, Typed! Now I know I am not alone in this one and to hell if this picture doesn’t say it all! Well let me just say that people, just as music cds and television programming, should also come with some sort of “warning” label. Case in point: I just spoke to someone that I would assume has a degree in law being that his card says he’s a lawyer but in speaking to this gem, you’d wonder just from where he’d actually got a degree (I’m thinking On-Line U). Well being that I work for a developer and we are now in the home owner inspection/closing phases, I am meeting a lot of these people for the first time. Now mind you, these people are what I’d call wealthy. I mean, there are 2 celebrities I know of that have purchased here and they’re spending upwards of about $999 thousand for condos, yes, CONDOS! You’re going to say, “Yeah, but they’re in Hawaii.” To which I’ll respond, “Maybe you did not hear me, MILLION $$$ C-O-N-D-O-S!” That doesn’t even include the maintenance fees ($500-$700/month). So this owner, who shall remain anonymous, for now anyway, comes in with a crew of decorators and all their various measuring devices into our office, which was a model unit. So as I am greeting Mr. Anonymous (he’s young, he can’t be a day over 30) and his entourage, they proceed to split up amongst the unit doing they’re measuring and things, so I turn to Mr. Anonymous and ask, “Excuse me, are they taking measurements for your unit?" Mr. Anonymous: "Yes" Me: "OK, perhaps they should be taking measurements in your unit for accuracy." Mr Anonymous: <looking puzzled> "I'm sorry, what is your name?" Me: "Amber" Mr Anonymous: "Yes, Amber dear, (who talks like this?) well, since my condo is being re-painted right now, I thought it would be best if we did this here. It is the same floor plan as mine; this is a 'C' unit right?" Me: <as I point out examples> "Yes Mr. Anonymous, this is a 'C' unit but this unit is Mauka (mountain) and yours is Makai (ocean)." <so you understand... there are 6 units per building in a "U" shape. 3 different floor plans, one on each side of the building, i.e. 1C & 6C, 2B & 5B, 3A & 4A. So essentially his unit is the same floor plan but flipped or reversed. You'd think this alone would be enough to cause alarm in the whole process of precision measuring...> Mr. Anonymous: <puts his hand on my shoulder and laughingly sighs> "Amber dear, they're all made the same, to the same specs and the same construction plans." <At this point I am trying to figure out how I can explain to this architectural prodigy that if he thinks all of the floor plan measurements are the same per unit then he should refer to the picture below! All this while trying to keep a smile on my face... As I begin to verbalize a less condescending response, my boss walks in and says> My Boss: "What the fuck is going on in here?" (I love this guy, I absolutely love my boss) Me: "Mr. Anonymous here is trying to get measurements for his unit." My Boss: <looking puzzled, then looks at Mr. A> "So why are you doing it in here?"
<before Mr. Anonymous could embarrass himself any further I interject and explain as best I can Mr. Anonymous’ reasoning.> My Boss: <As he positions one eyebrow higher than the other, he turns towards the decorators, whistles and claps> "Hey, everyone out. The unit to be measured is ___C, sorry for the misunderstabding but I need everyone out." <then he turns to Mr. Anonymous, pulls him aside and begins guiding him toward the door. I didn't want to laugh so I tried not to listen to what I could only assume was a scolding (I know my boss). But I did manage to hear 'place of business' and 'you're a lawyer, you know the law...' Finally at the door which as my boss opened it, pats Mr. A firmly on his back a few times and returns back to his resonant voice> My Boss: "Ok Mr. Anonymous, Good-Bye." <and flings the door shut>
I love this job! January 25 Cogitation...After I listened to a program on NPR who’s guest was Bart Ehrman the author of the book: Misquoting Jesus, I found myself stuck asking, “What the hell are you?” (Translation: what religion are you…. What do you believe?) I always declare Christian, even though I haven’t been to church since sometime last July. I mostly maintain that classification so as not to raise any more apprehension with the religious folk that I know than I already have with my ‘non church going status’… but is this all actually true? On my better days, I’m generally a skeptical believer, and I attribute that to my human nature. On my worst, I’m a disparaging cynic, which I can attribute to the ever depleting yet undying pessimist in me. I have an intricate fixation with Christianity and its various rudiments, its history, present day practice, and its future. But, I realized that there has always been a somber disconnect between my studious obsession with Christianity and my craving to actually practice the faith…. and perhaps, that’s mainly the source of my problem when it comes to church. I’d love to be able to blame it on my busy schedule and multiple chores of being a mother and wife (well ok, fiancé), when in reality there are no excuses. To do so would just simply be fraud. I’ve come to realize that thus far, I’ve gone to church in search of an educational experience, not necessarily to worship. I typically don’t fit in with Christians because I’m too skeptical. They usually get frustrated with me and I with them because neither of us can really resolve or remedy any given point of interest. Different strokes I suppose, but that’s exceedingly valid. The rest of the world could give two shits about Christianity in general because of the neurotic superiority stigma plus I am inclined to believe that they wouldn’t indulge me anyway and in short, would like never to even hear me alluding to the word. So I ask, "Is that, That?" I miss church, sort of… but I don’t know why. Whenever I think about going back, all that comes to mind are the reasons why I can’t or more probable, why I won’t… It is not my intention to offend pastor Tex but I miss VCC's pastor Chris' preaching. The closest analogy I can summate for my dissolution is this: When a person is hungry, their stomach growls and they eat to satisfy/feed that hunger. Well to be completely honest my stomach has been growling since I left good 'ol Renoid land (2yrs ago) and I suppose I should be fed... However, I've lost the point I was initially trying to make with this… So, I’ll leave it at that. 
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named Ethan Czahor felt it his duty to start a "Stop Rosie" campaign fully equipped with a petition to boycott ABC's The View, in which Rosie O'Donnell is one of the co-hosts. For some reason, when I heard of Mr. Ethan and his new found cause, I couldn't help but think, "What a Hall Monitor" but let's not go there... I certainly don't need any anti-Amber petitions rolling out! *evil grin* But Mr. Ethan is not alone, he's pulled out the big guns on this one... Ex-House Majority Leader Tom Delay is using the Imus controversy as a rally cry for his conservative base to try to get her fired as well. Shock Shock 
***insert Soup Nazi accent*** "No View For You!" 
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